It seems there is a common thread running in quite a few blogs lately. And that is a lack of restriction and the return of bad eating habits. There might be many many miles separating us over the seas but it seems I also have the bug.
I'm up 2 kilos from my lowest weight (around 4 and a half pounds) and it makes me nervous. And annoyed. And everything else in between.
I guess the difference nowadays is that I'm aware of it. In the old days 2 kilos would have felt like the equivalent of a couple of hundred grams now. It would have barely registered. But since I monitor myself so closely these days, I am on the ball this time round. Which begs the question: if I am monitoring myself and aware of it HOW did I manage to gain 2 kilos in the blink of an eye?
Well, there is the fact I haven't managed to get that darn fill yet. I've had to cancel my fill appointment two weeks running due to work commitments. I'm now booked in for Monday the 8th of the month and nothing is going to stop me making it to that appointment. I was reading a post of Amy W's just now. I swear, her post could be the one I want to write for myself. We are fill-less equals. It sucks.(Ames, lets kick this bingeing bastard in the butt together!!!) The thing is, when your fill is not working to the right capacity it's easy to push the bar further. I mean, yesterday I ate a whole meat pie. I haven't eaten a meat pie in about 18 months, but the family was having one and I've been able to eat just about anything I want, and with no dramas. I had a brain fart and thought, yeah, why not, I could really handle one of those babies. Well, that little sucker went down with the greatest of ease.... Blahhhhhhh.
Today I woke up, saw I had gained exactly 2 kilos and went, right. No more. I have put myself back onto the optifast shakes for breakfast and lunch, and dinner will be our normal healthy(ish) evening meal. Lets see if I can whip this weight off, get that fill sorted and continue on in happy band land. The biggest issue for me is not just the bad eating I have been establishing (bbq chips...... be gone!!) but getting this hunger under control. For me its almost always about the hunger. I hate the gnawing feeling I get with honest hunger pains. They physically squeeze my stomach and actually hurt (huh?). Only food makes it go away (funny that.) So... I oblige. Well, its going to take a little bit of self control from my end.. but unlike the days of the past pre-band, I love being the weight I am - well, two kilos less lol - and I am determined never EVER to let things slip out of control again the way I used to. A small slip is allowable but to let things ride without correcting? Never again.
Cara xxxx
The beginning of fatherhood
4 months ago
You have the right idea - get control now - don't wait. I think that's what put all of us in this position in the first place. We just put it off. You're doing so well! :)
ReplyDeleteYum, a meat pie....sorry, not helping!! Good on you for getting onto things quickly - not long until the 8th!
ReplyDeleteYep--i am filled but out of control..Today was a bit more in range and my crazy pendulum foodiness is getting better. Nothing like a little fear to put me back on track. Good luck with the fill.
ReplyDeletexxxooo
thanks for this post cara.... a little bit of a wake up call for me.... I ate a potato pie on the weekend and didnt think twice about it!! mm yes some major denial!!! The hungar pains are horrible ... I need to go back to basics back to band portions and maybe even a food journal for a week or so! Good luck with the fill and thanks xx
ReplyDeleteGood plan Cara. Nipping it in the bud is definitely the way to go. Those kilos will be off in no time.
ReplyDeleteI am so torn about whether or not to get that fill. LIke last night, I ate some chicken fajita, minus the tortilla...and I didnt eat very much...and i PB'd. Sigh. But my doc is out of the office for a few more weeks so I have some time to think about it. I did have a good day yesterday food wise, and I am shooting for another one today...we can do it.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if you follow Sally but she's been at goal for awhile now and I think she has the right idea. She has a set weight range that is acceptable to her and if her weight starts creeping up, she rectifies it immediately to stay within her range. It sounds like that's just what you're doing now. Get your fill, get back on track and I think those kilos will disappear in a flash.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good plan Cara. It's nice to see we are not alone. I still think a lot of this for us in the States is the season change. We are going into cold weather...time for comforting warm and hearty foods.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great roll model Cara! I hope I always stay focused like you have!
ReplyDeleteCatch it now... if only we had caught those 2 kilos in the past. sigh. Sounds like you are on top of it. : )
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