Have a lot of thoughts running through my head yet can't seem to get any one in particular straight. This blogging is weird.. for me anyway. I'm used to writing fiction. Feelings and emotions for a made up character come easy for me. Plot lines and improvisation.. no sweat. I can do those. Its me Im having trouble writing about. Someone real. I think I will write in list form today. I work off lists all the time. I'm writing for no-one in particular - just want to to offload some stuff down on the page and hopefully out of my head. That would be good.
1. I gave up smoking 16 days ago. It was a few tough days to start but I'm on the patches. These help... a lot. (I liken these to when I get my band. I have to do the hard work, but I have a prop of sorts to keep me on the straight and narrow.) Kids are on hols now, for over two weeks. Usually at these times my daily count would go from around 20 a day to 30 or more. I dont deal with stress in a favourable way. Have I run for the cigarettes as I would have in a past attempt to quit? No. I haven't. Amazing! I actually feel quite proud of myself. MOTH (man of the house) has also quit. He is doing it without the patches AND he's done it without the grumps. Unlike me. Men, huh!
Because I have now quit, since I began those few weeks ago, I have pretty much avoided going out anywhere I know people might smoke. This includes socialising. That said, we dont actually have many friends now left who DO smoke. Just the odd one or two. But last night we visited our closest friends, and it was a get together with another couple, also friends of ours. I was feeling a bit nervous. My first foray where I would be confronted with having a drink and NOT having one of many cigarettes I would usually have in a night out. I mentioned this to MOTH as we were dressing. "Its easy," he said. "Just dont. "
"Dont what?" I asked him.
"Dont smoke. Just do what we always do. Have a laugh, have a drink but this time you dont have a cigarette. Quite easy when you think about it, huh."
Ohhhh, I thought in my mind. Is that how easy it is? FFS! Maybe for you, you bugger.
As it turned out, it was that easy. I didnt miss them - although I found myself following my friend a few time when he lit up and as he turned around, he almost bumped into me as I was right behind him sniffing the tendrils that wafted from his cigarette. Hmm, little embarrassing lol.
Sometimes it still feels odd that I'm not smoking. Its a really, really hard habit to break. Millions of people can testify to that. Silly me picked up the habit, not when I was in my teens as is the case for so many people, but when I was 20. How dumb is that? Well, regardless of the when and where I first aquired the horrible habit, and numerous attempts to quit over the years -I usually manage about three days before I cave, go to the shop, buy a pack, rip it open with both trepidation and disgust in my heart, put that stick in my mouth and light that sucker right up - this time I think I've actually nailed it. I'm a non-smoker. I figure if I can get through the early days and have to cope with all the stress Ive had to and STILL not cave.. then I'm there. At least I really, truly hope so!
2. I was worried I would put on weight when I gave up the cigarettes. Not so. GO ME! WHOO!! I jumped on the scales this morning and haven't gained an ounce. This is great news. And yes, I know its still early days, but trust me when I say I only need to look at a donut or piece of cake and those calories jump right onto my belly (I wont say hips, cos although they are in a lovely rounded shape they are not where I carry the worst of my weight.... I'm a classic apple shape... big boobs, big belly and the rest is evenly distributed. So... why am I prattling on about giving up cigarettes so much?
3. I think if I have finally managed to give up this vice.... then perhaps there's hope I can kill the next thing bothering me - my weight. At least in theory. Its strange, but since I made the decision to get this band in, and have been diving into every forum, every blog and every support group I can find, suddenly I'm very aware of whats happening, weight wise again. One thing that bothers me is: I haven't actually seen the Doc yet. Yes, I think I'm about 40 kilos overweight and know my BMI is 40, which is where it needs to be to get this operation done. BUT.... do I also need to suffer other symptoms? Like high blood pressure, or danger of type 2 diabetes, which by the way, I have no idea how I have managed to avoid both. One of life's conundrums I guess. I go to the information night on the 22nd of this month, followed by my Doctor appointment on the 30th. Typical of me to do things bum about face. Book the appointments THEN do all the research. But there you have a character flaw. Im aware of it. Dont know if that will ever change.
Ok. Think I'm done now. Have more stuff on my mind, but need to sort it out before I can get it down on this post. Maybe will wait till tomorrow. Besides I have an impatient 9 year old (and MOTH) waiting to watch a movie with me, which I promised I would do about 2 hours ago. Oops.
Speak soon
C
Hi,
ReplyDeleteJust popped in to say Hi from the UK. Blogging is a great place to get your thoughts, feelings, concerns, laughter and any other emotional stuff you wanna share. There are some great bloggers out here. They give so much support and motivation.
As for smoking...you go girl. I gave up nearly 12 years ago and I would say it is only in the last 3-4 years that I don't think about it any more. Your Moth is right to think as a non-smoker, it kinda helps to be a non-smoker rather than an ex-smoker. Cos people don't question a non-smoker, but as an ex-smoker you'll be asked questions like - when did you give up? What's it like?, have you cheated?
So good luck on your venture.
Dawn