It's all about perception

So today I  finally started the ball rolling. Well, to be honest, its been rolling for like... forever!! in my head, but in the land of "I must kick this whole losing weight thing up the butt or forever stay rolly polly...," I went to the Doc today to get my referral for the surgeon. And to quote Toyota.... Oh!! What a feeling!!  

This is a doctor I have known for about 20 years (he was with me through the births of two of my four children and various other stuff over the years,)  and while I dont see him often - due to he's SO popular and usually runs SO late that you rarely get in to see him quickly and in my life, unless something happens instantly due to time restraints, well it rarely happens ...  he made me realise all over again that he's  a nice man and a damn fine friend. 

So......as mentioned, I only went in for the referral and because its been a few years since I've seen him as a patient, we got to talking (That man could talk the behind off a yak... and believe me when I say while I thought I was a fast talker and a major chatterbox I have nothing on him!), He was fabulous regarding the idea of the lap band. He knew me when I was much thinner - and he wholly endorsed it and encouraged me go ahead with it - as well as putting my mind to rest regarding my choice of surgeon. He knows Dr Couch well. Nothing like having your fave doc tell you that while my choice of surgeon won't win any personality awards, hes an amazingly compentant doctor who will see me right and stick with me for the journey. That's a great relief. 

THEN we talked a bit more.. just life stuff, things that have been on my mind and as I was about to make my escape, up came the dreaded question? 

When was your last smear? FFS!!! lol That hadnt even occurred to me. I wasnt here for that!

But being the great doc that he is, he understands some women dont like this proceedure done by men doctors and does his best to make it easier on me. There's really no need -  I'm totally at ease with him - we have a laugh - and its not like he hasnt seen my bits before (as any woman will attest, if  you've had babies, well, your privates are on show for everyone and anyone - in fact you could have a whole football team in the deliverery suite with you and you just wouldnt give a shit!!).  Together we got the  job done...  and as hes poking and prodding (and I mean this figuratively as it was really quick and painless) I quipped.. "Well, now I've showed you mine, you have to show me yours." I actually got him to blush as he mumbled, "I dont remember that being part of the deal," then he quickly changed the subject. 

After a VERY long appointment we finally say our goodbyes and I get another hug from him as I leave... very cool, and as I wander down the corridor to pay the account I flip open the referral and read it. HOLY MOTHER OF EVIL!!! Written down in black and white are the words.. Dear Chris, Thankyou for seeing this 43 year old woman with MORBID OBESITY and goes on to give my weight (yes, I tried to wriggle out of that part of it too, no such luck) and my height and various other medical details. My eyes are bugging out... and I can't help but stray again and again to those two horrible words.

 Ok. So heres the thing.... I know I'm overweight. Even more than a little overweight. But seriously.... is there not another term they can use? (Anyone got any ideas of another way of putting it other than morbidly obese?.... Been tossing that one around a bit... ) I get overweight, big, large etc but I want to scream "I AM NOT MORBIDLY OBESE... I dont feel it.. so surely I cant look it. 

Problem is.. I am and to some extent, I do. 

So as usual, this got me to thinking. Theres two ways I can approach this. I can either stay the weight I am now... or heaven forbid keep climbing kilo wise OR I can follow through with this banding and knock the fat on its ass! Get myself back into the "right weight" category. I vote for the 2nd. My brain is surely working overtime lately. 

Besides.... I really really want to see what I look like thin again. Amen to that!!!

Bye, till next time

C xx