Indelible footprints lead to reinvention...

"How many times do you have to be told you are beautiful before you start to believe it?"


These words were uttered by MOTH (Man of the House) to me just the other day and it's something all us women should start listening to.... because we are! I don't know what I was doing... I think getting ready to go out somewhere and was fussing over whether I looked ok or not. Something I do often now. In the old days I would throw stuff on, whack on the makeup and was good to go. Nowadays I match things. Makeup to whatever I'm wearing, bag, shoes (or boots) and colour co-ordinate. These are the things that give me pleasure. Just because I now can. 


The same goes for people telling me I'm 'skinny'. This happened to me at work this morning: and it's not the first time. A clients daughter was giggling because I kept having to hitch up my jeans. The buggers just won't stay put on my hips. These are my size 14's (size 10 American) jeans. I mentioned I would have to start wearing a belt and she said: "Ehhh, it's 'cos you're skinny." (She's a beautiful, slightly round Portuguese lady.) 


I continue to have these huh? moments 


See, I don't actually believe I am skinny. I think I am 'normal' sized now. The kind of normal that doesn't shy away from going into a boutique or chain store and buying a size clothing that makes me want to hide the tag from the girl/guy running it through the scanner. I am now solidly into size 8's and 10's USA with both my top and bottom half wearing the same size - no need to mix-n match anymore. I'm the kind of 'normal' that can eat in public (even bad stuff) and not be embarrassed at what people are thinking.  If I do see them looking at me eating, it's because they probably see me as someone who has a control over food. They would be half right. I do now for the most part. 


Why am I talking about all this now? It's because this morning while driving in my car doing my rounds, I had an epiphany. I am eating well most days. My weight has stabilised at 165 pounds - and I feel really comfortable here. I know I have 1.5 kilos (or 3.3 pounds) left to lose from the goal I set myself but I really don't care if I lose it or not. I have set myself a new goal. Right where I am now. I have lost over 38 kilos (84 pounds), my BMI is in the healthy range, I have not had a fill in four months and am in a good place with my band. I have given myself a new lease on life.


Angie from http://angieinrepair.blogspot.com/ wrote about the exact same thing this morning on her blog. She mentioned - just like me - she was happy at the weight she is at. I am right there with her. 

 It's a great feeling to  have achieved what I have achieved. That is to feel comfortable in my own skin for the first time in forever. And to feel comfortable leaves an indelible impression on my mind. I may or may not lose these last 3 pounds... if I do.. all well and good, if I don't, too bad. I won't be crying over it. I will continue to have good days where I eat brilliantly, and those where I don't. I will continue to keep up my walking and to move around non-stop. These are the things I can control and I think they are now set in my mind for good. 

I interrupted MOTH at work at his desk about an hour ago. "I am happy right here. Right here at this weight. I'm done!  I don't think I need to lose any more." He looked right back at me at me said quietly, "Good. You are at a perfect weight right now. I'm relieved you're stopping. Now it's time to maintain." 

I do believe he's right. I was nervous about saying the words out loud - it felt a little melodramatic. But in hindsight it has cemented what has been running through my mind for the last month. I have done it. I really have. I have finally reached a weight where I feel happy and good about myself. I want to cry tears of happiness.



Lotsa love
Cara xxxx