Tough love - on myself!

Well, today is another day and thankfully, I seem to have my mojo back! Yay for that. Yesterday was a tough day and while I can't put my finger on exactly what was wrong, it was probably a combination of things. (Brooke summed it up perfectly - it was like wading through molasses.) But I woke up running today and all is good in the world again. 

I got to thinking: I realise I have stalled with this dang weight of mine but I have to put it into perspective, right? I have lost 19 kilos in just over three months and hey, that's not chicken feed in anyones books. I jumped on the scales this morning and was happy to see a loss (still not back to 19.1 lost where I was, I have another half a kilo to lose before I can continue on my way.) It just proves I cannot screw around and lose focus because it brings bad times. I eat like a madwoman - I gain. I behave with my eating and walk - and I lose. It's really not a hard equation to work out. And yet, sometimes we (I) do. But since I'm an eternal optimist - I will just jump right back on that wagon and ride the sucker out of town. 

Yesterday I tried something out. Beth (Who Hid The Donuts) has put up some great posts over the past few days. One of them really made sense in the "protein fills you up for longer' scenario. I tried it. Usually I have cereal with skim milk for breakfast but yesterday I went for an egg on grain toast (unbuttered) with two little pieces of bacon (zero fat on the bacon and all cooked on a non stick pan) and was really surprised. I had breakfast at 9.30am and was only starting to get hungry by 2.30pm. That to me is amazing. I then had a super thin slice of low-fat cheese and some tomato with salt and pepper on a cruskit and again, it was all I needed. Dinner was rissoles with a microwaved potato (with a teaspoon of low-fat sour cream) and vegetables. I cooked up mushrooms and a zero-calorie gravy and popped that onto the rissole's. Filling and yum. No snacking.... no worries. I was stoked. I am going to have an egg on toast this morning again to re-test the theory. My stomach is grumbling away like a rusty old drain. Will let you know if it works out. Oh, and I'm off for a walk again. I want to do this at least four times a week. 

I realise now I'm looking at this the wrong way. I keep bouncing around the same weight, losing and gaining the same kilo - have done this for about a month. It's been driving me nutso. But today I decided to get really serious. Roo left me a great message... thanks darl xx. She mentioned she would lose a great amount of weight, then when she plateaued, she would give up and start heading backward. Man, haven't we all done that. Well I'm not about to give up either because even when trying my hardest, no way did I ever lose this much on my own. I'm going to shift this weight downward and nothing is going to stop me. It's all a mental challenge as far as I can see. I WILL lose this kilo to get me to 20 lost... I WILL lose the next few to get me into the 80's kilo wise and I'm going to steam roll my way through anything and everything that stops me from doing that! 

This morning, while I was hurriedly throwing on my clothes to get out the door to gets the kids to school I had an NSV. From my kids of all things. I didn't sleep particularly well - because MOTH (Man of the House) and I were woken at 1am by a phone call. But it as OK... it was Mitch calling from London to let us know he was there and safe. (We also got an email yesterday morning from him saying he reached Singapore and he didn't think the carpets had been changed in the 20 years since MOTH and I were there on our honeymoon lol) Anyway, as I was saying, I was in my bra and undies and opened the door to yell to the kids we were leaving in two mins. Jake was passing by. He stopped, his eyes went wide and he went... "WHOA!! Look at you! You look...skinny." He's also blind did I mention that? lol. Not really, but it was a very sweet moment. He then called for Mason. "Mason, come look at mum. You can really see all the weight she's lost." Mason popped his head out of the room next door and went, "Wow, mum. Just look at your stomach. It's almost flat." (Again an exaggeration but compared to how it was.. it's looking far far better.) 

Jake came up to me, gave me a massive hug and said, "I am so proud of you. You used to look like you swallowed a bowling ball and now you look so different. Really thin." It was at that moment I took stock. You know what. I do! I do look way thinner than I did three months ago. When I got back home from dropping them off to school, I bought up my 'before' pics and holy hell! I looked JUST like he said: I had swallowed a bowling ball. It was scary. (I will post these pics soon. I just have to get up the nerve lol.) 

So onward and upward is the name of the game. Next time I write, I will have lost some more weight. Cos' as Amy W. says: I am the boss of my mind and I WIN!

Chow for now

Cara xxxx

PS I posted a silly pic of me taken the other day. MOTH had the electricity off to do something in the house and it was freeeeezing! When I meant I was mixing up my textures and colors of clothes this wasn't what I meant lol. Check out the dorky hat!