Hi my friends,

It's kind of hard to know where to start with this post - usually I sit down and within seconds I am banging out all the trials of tribulations of daily life - but one's that are not normally such a downer. I want each and every one of you to know how wonderful you are - your messages to me at this time made me cry (but in a good way) because of your outpouring of support and love. I want you to all know you get it back in spades and then some. I adore my new friends on here and well, I just can't tell you what a lift you all have given me with your kind words.

The saga is still going on this end... but I won't go into detail this time.. no-one needs that kind of horrible reading at this time of year.  Suffice to say I have finally come to the realisation that my parents and my sister too are pretty much gone from our lives permanently. The last straw came when I heard my mother was trying to figure out how to divide my grandfathers extensive properties and who will get what  - all within just 24 hours of his death (my Grandfather never took to her - and she has managed to alienate ever single one of my fathers four brothers and sisters and a one of her own brothers, too.)  I always had in the back of my mind that perhaps, if not now, then down the track, possibly years away that there would be a reconciliation of sorts. Maybe when the worst of the hurt and bad feelings had dissipated somewhat from both sides we could get on with things and try again. That's not happening. Ever. I arrived at this understanding in the last day or so and this has me dealing with extra deaths, so to speak. The strange thing is, I can't cry any more over it, I just feel numb, but perhaps numb is better as I have two funerals to go to this week. 

One is my dear friend Loretta's mother and that happens Tuesday morning. She died two days before my grandfather but unlike my mother she adored hers. I will facing the family for sure then (she is a very old family friend who has known me since birth..) the other of course is my Grandfathers. His is Wednesday in the afternoon. It's going to be a busy week, with Loretta's two grandsons who live with her and Carl, her husband, and who are great friends with Riley spending the day here Monday (if I have a busy week then hers is horrendous and I'm trying to help lighten her load a bit .) Then Xmas Eve on the Thursday which is when we celebrate Christmas. Lots to do between then and now. At least I will be facing them looking a whole lot better than when they saw me last and that will make me hold my head up high and deal with things a little easier.


I have gotten past that non-hunger phase to slip back into comfort eating the past few days, yet strangely enough have gained no weight. I have hit that 60 pound down mark at last (actually reached it a while ago but haven't had the chance yet to exult on it.) Today I feel stronger and I am back into my normal patterns. I'm not hungry again. Weird. For a bit there I was worried that I shouldn't have canceled my last Friday appoint for a fill - I didn't think I needed it and with Christmas coming up, I wanted to be able to eat without any dramas. Now I think I will be okay - at least for a bit. Only thing is my next fill appointment isn't until the 15th of January... so I hope I can survive till then. If I gain a little weight, then so be it. I'm not worried. It is what it is and I will deal with it later. I think I might just be drinking a bit this Christmas - not something I usually do, but desperate measures and all that. 


If I don't manage another post before Christmas then I want to wish you all the loveliest one yet. I will be thinking of you all when the day comes around and I hope you all get spoilt rotten.  Enjoy your time with your families because in the end, that's what it is all about. I know I will be and I cherish every moment with them.


Love and kisses
Cara