One New Year's resolution we no longer have to worry about - and it's a biggie!!!

Now that Christmas has come and gone it's time to take stock. Where am I at with my band and what do I plan on doing next? 

A thought came to me the other day: Every year for perhaps the last 10 or more I have dreaded New Year. Would this year coming be better weight wise? Would I finally crack that nut on the head and get my shit together enough to finally kill this monkey on my back? Every year I would square my shoulders and embark on a new weight-loss plan. I would carefully sort through things in my head, go at it like a demon and fail...... again. This year I no longer have this problem. One New Year Resolution I don't have to make and hopefully never will again is TO LOSE THIS BLOODY WEIGHT!! I'm well on my way and somewhere deep in my heart - although I know it took a radical step to reach it - I have done it.. or at least for the most part. I feel proud of myself and I don't care what anyone says. You can not be truly happy when you are big. It affects every aspect of your life: to the way other people look at you and perhaps judge you... to eating out (why is that fat woman eating a high calorie meal.. pig!)... to the way we move, dress, our relationships and just deal with life in general. I know I wasn't happy being that way. Admittedly I've been going through some heavy personal stuff and am not truly happy right now either - but that is going to change. It's just a matter of semantics. It's all a mental state of mind and I plan on making 2010 MY YEAR! It's going to be a good one because I plan on making it that way. There, I said it!


I am back to almost no restriction - that much is obvious. I gained 2.2 pounds over Christmas due to snacking. I know I didn't sit down and have a big meal (couldn't even if I wanted to..... ) but it was the snacking that got me. Just little bits of everything. I've since knocked that 2.2. pounds back on the head and am sitting again on 28 kilos down ... (or 61.6 pounds lost..) My current weight is 187.6 pounds!!! I feel quite stoked about that. I canceled my last fill appointment due to wanting a little leeway over Christmas and now it seems I got more than I bargained for. Blech!



In my head I wanted to be down to 80 kilos by Christmas. That was my long term goal. I didn't reach it but since I missed it by only 11 pounds or just over 5 kilos - I'm not too unhappy. Could have been 10 kilos or even 15 that I was out by.. but it wasn't. I can see that next 5 looming in front of me and I know - I just know - that I will have it gone in the next few months. I am just five kilos away on the BMI charts from hitting merely overweight. A great feeling. I still seem to be losing at the steady rate of a half a kilo a week - but I guess we are now down to the business end of things. I'm no longer losing just water weight (well, I haven't been for the longest time) and I know that every half kilo that blows off - it's fat. Those pics I posted of me and MOTH (Man of the House) at Christmas weren't terribly flattering. I feel I am actually much smaller than I looked in those - double chin and chunky body - all to do with a very quick snap taken at the wrong angle... but that said - I'm aiming for the day when no matter what the angle I take a decent picture. That day will come. I have added some pics below of me in and around the pool. These are much nicer.


I don't have an appointment for a fill until the 15th of January. That's weeks away - and the thing is - I really don't like my chances of getting in earlier... mostly due to the fact the doc's are all AWOL on their own Christmas breaks. I just have to pace myself and make sure I don't gain - which is a pain because right now, I'm watching myself like a hawk in the eating side of things and again I feel like I am back to the old dieting merry-go-round pre-band. On the upside, I am super-focused again. You know when you get that feeling of being out of control - how old insecurities about eating and gaining weight take over because you know you haven't stopped picking at food etc? Well, that was me a few days ago. I hate the feeling - hate it with a vengence. The good thing about this band of ours is that we CAN now dust ourselves off, reclaim ourselves and reverse the damage with not too much effort. I blew the 2.2 pounds off in two days.. just through going back to the way I should be eating with the band. Heaps of water (2 litres a day) lots of meat (protein) and little cup portions again. It works.. it really does.. we just have to be in the right mindset (and have a clear pantry!!!) 

Sally, one of our blogging friends has a great idea. She said we all should pick a word to get us through the year... and to think of that word when we need backup. I think mine will be focus. I plan on changing a whole lot of things this year. I will focus on losing the rest of this weight, not worrying about a myriad of things that really don't make a lot of difference in the big scheme of things and I will focus on MOTH - making him understand just how important it is to get us out of this stinking town we live in and rebuild and start afresh somewhere new. I haven't had much luck so far... but this is where my focus comes in. I have found throughout my whole life, if I want something bad enough I get it. I just have to focus and put my everything into it. This is what I plan to do. 



One thing is bothering me slightly. I had a pain in my port area. It started on Christmas morning. When I twisted or bent down I was getting a pain like a pulled muscle in my stomach, a short sharp stabbing pain. By the afternoon had moved to the left AND over the site. When I felt the pain it would stay for quite a few seconds and then fade away.. but when I felt it, I really felt it!!! It seems to have lessened a little over the last few days and today is all but gone except when I use my stomach muscles. Thankfully..... I was a little worried I had done something and really, it's the last thing I want to have to deal with. The pain is still there somewhat today - but not as bad as it was. If it doesn't chuff off in the next few days - I guess a call to the docs office is needed - I hope I haven't flipped this port of mine - unlikely but you never know. 


I have a quick question if anyone can help too please. Firstly, can anyone see the little screwdriver and wrench editing tools on my blog page? I can't seem to get rid of them. They are everywhere - at the bottom of my added widgets. If I do manage to get them off (I have tried several times).. it means taking third party cookies off but when I do that.. then I can't comment on YOUR pages.  I just want to know if my page is free of them at your end? And secondly, from your end... can you see them on your own page when you log in? Because I can't see anyone else that has them when I check out your posts. Your blog page is editing free with no widget spanner and rubber - just as it should be. Thanks :)

Riley and I

Reaching for my wine!!!

                     Riley, MOTH and Mason

Till next time
Cara xx