A little tired, a little stressed but a fruitful day's work....

Guess the title says it all. Feel a bit weary now it's the end of the day. That said, I have crammed a lot into a small amount of hours so at least I got stuff done.

You know, I was looking at my weight loss ticker before I posted and realised that the target weight I set myself doesn't quite bring me below the supposed healthy 25 BMI. I hadn't picked up on that before and I wonder if it matters too much? I have set myself a target weight of 73 kilos (I think I have said this before.. brain fog!!) and I think - at least I hope - that this will be a good weight for me.

Twenty plus years ago, when I met MOTH I was 60-62 kilos, and sitting around 65 when we got married. I was a flat out size 12. But after a few kids, and with added age on me, I figure the target I picked is better than trying to get back to the weight I was back then. Our bodies change, and I think 65 kilos for me would be too thin..... (Hoi, listen to me.. lol Who wouldn't love to be too thin.) What I'm getting at, is I would like a LITTLE meat on my bones (not much though!! Don't get me wrong) and the bottom line is, I don't want to look gaunt. Of course, things change and I might well get to the low 70's and go, blahhh still too big for what I want, then try to lose more. Who knows. It's one of life's conundrums and I shall have to be patient and see what fits me best.

I went and visited my grandfather in the nursing home today. By some standards the home he lives in a nice - it's very clean, the staff are great and it smells ok but it's still sad. Due to a major falling out with my parents and sister I have avoided going there to see him (bloody sad of me I know) because my father is often there and he's unpredictable as to when he usually shows up. I have kept tabs on him though (my grandfather, not father) through phone calls etc so I know he's okay. The thing is, seeing him in person after just a few months or so I can't believe how much he has changed. I had to hold back tears as I watched this once strong, vital man sitting by himself in the dining room as he waited for lunch to be served. He has gained some weight (I guess there's not much else to do when you're that old but eat) and his once beautiful blue eyes are rheumy - then there's his slurred speech and muttering. The worst was, the last time I saw him his mind was intact and in just a few short months, well, I wouldn't say that's the case now. He kept talking about my grandmother as though she's still alive for one thing. I held his hand and chatted away and he would nod and smile a small smile, but God, it just about broke my heart. I am going in again Friday and I'm checking him out for an hour or so. We will got get a coffee at the local shops down the road or I will bring him back here to the house for a bit. Anything for a change of scenery.

I have also decided, as of a few weeks ago to try to find work outside the house. While MOTH and I have been raising the kids I have been a stay at home Mum. This was a decision we made early on in our marriage, which was if I was going to work, I should do it from home. That suited me right down to the ground as all I wanted to do was write fiction and I figured I should be able to do that even with small kids in tow. (Hahahahaha - how do other's do it!!) I almost managed a career in it too with early successes of published work but I had so many stops and starts and things getting in the way, I never reached the highs I wanted. Subsequently the burning desire I once had has dampened quite a bit. (That said I still pick at it. My latest expedition was a children's book. I sent it off to Penguin, and got rave reviews from the editors. They had JUST accepted a book with a similar theme JUST the week before so I missed out. How's my luck! The upside is they asked if I have any other work would I consider them first. I guess that confirms I can write if I didn't already know it.)

Right now at this time in my life, I feel the need to get back out there. So, my BF and I sat over the computer doing up our resume's today. Try filling in one of those suckers when all you can say you've done for almost nineteen years - apart from a few years break when I worked in advertising and of course my fiction writing is - raise children. I was able to say that once upon a time I was a dental nurse, then I worked in a medical centre, and had a short stint in a car yard as a receptionist which I hated but apart from that... nada. Still I have some semblance of a resume now put together so I will just print out some copies and my BF and I hit the trails on Thursday to hand them around. She has also been a stay at home mum and like me, wants to now find some work. I know I would love to work part-time in retail, perhaps something like The Body Shop or a clothes shop. Anything where I'm helping people out is the job for me.

LIQUIDS: Day 10

Two coffee's skim milk no sugar, one cappuccino one sugar (felt a little wiped out, thought the sugar might help) Optifast for breakfast, one low fat yogurt 170 mls, one litre of water, going to have optifast for dinner (if I can fit it in, I'm feeling a bit full for some reason, not hungry just yet) and another coffee before bed.

OK, enough from me. Time to sort dinner and pack lunches for the kids tomorrow. Speak soon.