My dog is a piglet.......

So those of you who read my blog know by now that MOTH (Man of the House) and I have been doing a lot of work around our house getting it ready for a sale.

It seems this has a two-fold effect. First up, the house is looking better than it has in years - and the other is well, there's a lot of power tools and paint brushes and paint etc laying around the house. There's also lots of offcuts of wood where MOTH has been busy fixing skirting boards or cutting down a new door to fit it, just to name a few things. It seems our dog Max has taken a liking to chewing wood.

Now this isn't new to me. He's been known to chew everything to my new coffee table legs to a stray pair of undies or knickers (later found with the crotch missing.... oh joy) and now he's taken to eating offcuts of wood.

I found him this morning singing a song out back. He was hunched over looking like he was trying to hurk...then he would give a yelp then a howl. At least I THOUGHT he was trying to bring something up. Apparantly not.

I watched him hunch over, tip toeing on doggy paws in circles, then he would go the other way, do the cat stretch again with his nose down and his bum up, and his whole body would go into spasms. Sheesh I thought. Get a band would ya... spewing has never been so easy. Then I noticed he would reverse it....nose up, bum down, spasm again and give a howl. Okay, something was definetely not right in his little doggy world.

I called him over, checked him out and lo and behold.....he has an inch of wood sticking out of his ass. FFS! I dithered over what to do. Now I love my dog, I do, but rescuing something from his rear end is not at the top of the list of fun things to do first thing Thursday morning. Last time this happened I ruined a ten dollar pair of tweezers. So off I traipse inside, rummage around and find myself another set. I call him over - again - get him to roll over... and there's the offending item winking at me in the morning light. Mama Mia!!

I got a firm hold, closed my eyes and said a few swear words, gave a pull and then I heard a little pop. Max gave a huge yelp then it was like a firecracker went off inside him. He started dancing and yipping and all was well again for him. As for me.....GROSS! Seriously, utterly gross.

The piece of wood and the tweezers got a ceremonial burial out back. I don't think I'm ever going to eat again.