Not at all helped by Riley an hour later taking our dog Max for a walk and then stacking it out in the front drive, coming back in crying with a fat lip and badly scraped nose and there's blood everywhere.......sigh. Fix him up, bundle the kids in the car and go to pick up Mason's friend and who is there?. My gorgeous little neice who I haven't seen for a year or more. I have had (as I've briefly mentioned in posts before) a massive falling out with her mother - my sister - because we are just so intricately different and as adults.. well, we just don't get along.. not for very long anyway before the shit starts again :(
My neice has grown so much and is so tall now. She's thinned out and looks like a young lady. Well, as much a young lady can be tom-boy style as she kicks a ball with a bunch of other boys in the front yard of Cody's house. It was very strange by anyones standards but I couldn't help myself. I strode up and gave her a massive hug then cried later in MOTH's arms at how awkward it was for my kids when they saw her - especially Jake, as they were once the best of friends - and how we are all missing out on her growing up. Heavens knows the rubbish she has been spoon fed by both my mother and sister. I miss her but this rift with my sister - well, I doubt it will ever be healed. It's just one of many that we have had over the years (complicated by the fact my mother practically ignores my children and lives for hers especially her older son.. but that's just another whole long drawn out barrel of heart ache). So now, we don't talk or see one another ..... ever.
Todays the kind of day where I haven't eaten much. I just don't feel in the mood. I have had an egg on toast about 11am, two cups of coffee and its already 2pm. I'm just not hungry. That said: I think if you put a bottle of wine in front of me (and I'm not much of a drinker) I could do a fair amount of damage. Same with shit food. I think if I started... it's doubtful I'd stop. Emotional eating anyone?
Well, tomorrow is another day. I will try to get through this crap Friday and hopefully Saturday will be better. Nothing like an eon of hope to lift the spirits. Nope.. ok that's not working either. What will be will be and I will deal with the rest of today and just try to stay sane.
Hope you all have a great Friday and a lovely weekend. :)
Speak soon
Cara xx
:o(
ReplyDeletesorry to here you were fed up. My Mum has the same problem with her sister. She tried and tried to get along while my bro and I were growing up. I never grew up with any of my 6 cousins. I think its worse for my Mum to be honest, but for what it's worth, I dont think it adversley affected my life in anyway at all and I have my own family to think of and take care of now. I have to admit I hated my mum being upset by her, and I was powerless to do anything. I would rather she had washed her hands of it early on, rather than every 6 months try again and again and only get abused. So I think there is merit in a rift... I know thats probably not PC or something, but some people just dont get along. Just because we happen to arrive through the same mother, doesnt mean automatic kindred spirits sadly. That old adage 'choose your freinds but you can't choose your family' is so true, and I am sure your's is a universal story.
Sure this don't help any, but hey, *beats chest in camaradarie* Thinking of you.
Bunny
x
my sister and i didn't talk or see each other except at holiday functions for few years because she was on a self destructive path that included stealing money from all of her family members. fortunately, that is all behind her and i am glad to have my sister back in my life - even if it means forgiving her for her past sins which i swore i would never do.
ReplyDeleteThat is such a drag about your sister and not seeing your niece (to put it mildly - it is much worse than just a drag!) A perfect trigger for emotional eating, but you did not do it, so good for you!
ReplyDeleteHope today is better (hmm, is it a new day yet for you?)
Hey Cara, I feel for you. I definitely relate to missing the sister relationship. My sister's kids are small and they're still in NY so there's no chance of my accidentally seeing them, but I'm sure if I did I'd have the same gut reaction of longing for a relationship with them and for a healthy one with my sister.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course those kinds of run-ins always happen on the day when you feel like an open, festering emotional wound anyway.
I bet you'll wake up tomorrow feeling good though, today was the quiet contemplative day so tomorrow can be the energetic, happy and fun day :-)
I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to not see your niece. It's funny how people change as they become adults. I have 4 sisters and one I was really close with growing up. We were best friends. As a adults we don't talk much and I'm always struck with how odd she is and can't figure out what happened to the funny girl I grew up with. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteWe all have those days for sure -:(. I can relate to the falling out with your sister thing. I don't talk to my brother at all - but I miss his wife and kids - they grew up before my eyes. Luckily I have reconnected with my SIL and niece on Facebook, but it's still f'd up you know?
ReplyDeleteOh Cara... I'm sorry! But good for you for giving your neice a hug. That is important, if to no one else, YOU! And cry as much as you need. At least you're aware of where you are today and your feelings, so be careful with the "shit" food... you'll get thru this - we're all in your corner cheering you on!!!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for what you are going through...I hate days like that. It sounds like we have a similiar situation...my parents haven't spoken to me in a year, or my children, they dote on my sister & her kids but pretty much ignore us because we moved away for Randy's (my hubsband) job. It hurts. I also had a huge falling out with my sister, over that and many other things, and that rift will probably never heal. She has hurt me more than anyone could, and while I have forgiven her, I have chosen to stay away because she never changes...
ReplyDeleteI hope you have an awesome weekend! I will be praying for you!
Because I don't want to do another post on this: it's too much of a downer and let's face it.. it's supposed to be a banding blog not a blog that brings sadness and makes you think of things you guys would probably rather not I thought I would add a footnote here: I just want to say thank you girls for for your support. It constantly amazes me just how others are going through the same thing with their parents or siblings.
ReplyDeleteI do want to add though in hindsight I know exactly what brought this funk on.. it's the fact I have my parents living ten minutes away on one side of the town and my sister maybe 7 on the other: and I can never really escape this situation. I always bump into people who know them who then proceed to tell me about their lives: but I would rather not know. Like you Suzie my sister is just hard to deal with: she's brought a lot of crap onto herself and is a constant drama queen. It just makes life plain hard.. and my mother exacerbates the problem by ALWAYS siding with her and 20 years later still picking up the pieces of her messed up former life! Always. It used to piss me off and there would be words said.. now I do what you do.. I have chosen to stay away permanently because neither of them will ever change . Its too heartbreaking to go through a massive deal every six months or so also: It just breaks me down.
It's better this way. Sad.. heartbreaking.. but better emotionally and physically (and for my family too as a whole). At least for 363 days of the year. Today is a new day and the sun is shining and I'm working on pulling myself back out of this. xxxx
Cara - presumably as I write you're sleeping peacefully into Sunday morning, so let me offer you your first cup of revitalising coffee in saying I hope you're feeling better, and to comment that although we have these family sadnesses (mine is similar to some of those described above) bandits like us are proactive in trying to make our lives happier in other ways. From what you say you have a brilliant marriage and home life, and you've taken this enormous step to feel at peace with your physical self. And you're ensuring that your niece knows you love her. You've done all you can, and I think it's admirable.
ReplyDeleteCaroline
Is it just me, or does hearing Sarah say bad words cheer you up, too? :) :)
ReplyDeleteSorry about the situation with your mother and sister. That absolutely sucks -- no way around it.
Does this mean that they don't know about the band? I wonder how they will react to running into you looking all fab and fit! I know that doesn't make everything all better -- but if you have to deal with this situation, at least you can feel great about the good things you are doing for yourself and your health.
Well, if it's any consolation, you've got a whole Internet full of surrogate bandster sisters, and we all think you are absolutely wonderful and that (if I can speak for the group) your children are gorgeous and amazing. MOTH sounds like a great source of strength (and painting skills) as well, so you are doing great on that front as well!
Am sending you a big hug!
Catherine